by Nick Cooper

copyright 1990. 1999

When you're in the deep south at 3:00 a.m. and a cop car in your rear-view mirror gives you a flashback to Mississippi Burning, it's hard to assure yourself that justice will be served. A process is about to begin in which your immediate fate is no longer in your own hands. Bad boys or model citizens, guilty or not, drivers on America's highways need to be prepared to deal with cops.

President Clinton is proud to announce more police, and curfew laws in three quarters of the nation's largest cities. Cops have greater scope to question, search and demand identification from all citizens suspected of being under the curfew age at night. This undermines 'Probable cause,' the essential constitutional protection from police harassment. Involved in a civil war on drugs fought with military weapons, cops are just like soldiers. Many of us remain at large, watching t.v. shows about others getting interrogated, arrested and criminalized. We, the people, are all potential guest stars who must be ready for these fifteen seconds of fame.

I have been on nine national tours in a van with the Texas funk bands Sprawl and Free Radicals -- through the small towns, through the deep South. I have learned that those who aren't respectful to the police end up getting hurt. I've been busted, ticketed, hand-cuffed and mocked, but other times, I've driven away smiling, leaving my band's T-shirt in the hands of a smiling cop. Also, I live in Houston, a model city for the President, with a curfew and a huge police force. We have a population of drivers accustomed to covering distances of twenty or thirty miles just to get to work or to go out at night. Getting pulled over is a common occurrence. I interviewed a local patrolman, I'll call him Mike, who also had some ideas about what to do and what not do.

If you're going to hit the road in a psychedelic school bus with a bunch of hippies and a cloud of smoke following you, or if you just feel nervous at night about how many terrified suspects you see silhouetted in police car headlights in your own city, it's time to learn a new language.

KNOW THE MODES

Police are either in 'bust' mode or 'assist' mode, and there's nothing in between. When a cop pulls you over to figure out if he's going to warn you, ticket you or arrest you, that's bust mode. When you ask a cop to help you, protect you or inform you about something, that's assist mode. Even if the cop has begun to operate in bust mode, it is sometimes possible to switch the mode if you speak clearly, defer to authority and ask questions. The right kind of questions will make the cop feel comfortable, and encourage the cop to finish quickly. Peel off your 'Question Authority' bumper sticker, and ask the authorities simple questions.

If you're in a convenience store late at night with a weird haircut or a drunk friend, or sitting at a table in a diner in a small town next to a table of cops, or fixing a flat when some cops park patiently across the street from you, approach them and ask directions. Once they've put on their lights and started asking you the questions it may be too late. But when they're still just looking, don't be shy, make the first move. The cop isn't going to tell you how to get back to the highway, wait for you to drive off and then pull you over. If you're hanging out in the park when it's supposed to be closed and there's a cop lurking, walk over and ask for permission. He may say you have to leave, but at least he won't hassle you.

Around a cop, if someone with you gets belligerent, deputize yourself. Tell him or her to shut up. Show the cop that you are in control and are helping to maintain order. Only by recognizing the cop's authority over you can you get the him to give it up. Asking for the cops i.d. number, to see the radar, or in any way questioning or disrespecting his authority will encourage him to demonstrate it. Mike says he has dealt with many drivers who "try to take away my power as a police officer. That never works."

YOU NEED TO RELAX, MAN

To put cops at ease, call them 'officer,' 'ma'am' or 'sir.' Suppress any thoughts such as 'I'm in a rush, why doesn't she go arrest some real criminals,' or 'I hate cops.' You have to be calm and patient to respond properly. Mike said "You can not have an attitude with a traffic stop. If he pulled you over, he's got a legitimate reason. The minute he turns his lights on, you're technically under arrest. You're not free to leave of your own will. The best thing you can do is be respectful."

Many young men get belligerent and demand their rights, which results in forcing the cop to remain in bust mode. Mike said "The police officer has an incredible amount of discretion, I can sit there and chat with you or I can take you to jail. If you present yourself as some kind of an asshole it makes it easier for my conscience to give you a ticket." If the cop has caught you for an expired inspection sticker or a minor moving violation, admit it and apologize. This may help, but if not, prepare to swallow your pride with a ticket sometimes. You'll never be ticket-proof.

Help the cop to relax. Roll down your window for him. Put your hands on the steering wheel so your hands aren't concealed. Mike recommends, "If a cop asks if you know why you're being pulled over, tell him." Cops have been trained to draw their guns when suspects make sudden motions. The more you put them at ease, the further they'll keep their hands from their guns.

KEEP TALKING

Tell the cop everything you're about to do. "I have to get my insurance card from the glove compartment," or "I keep my license in my wallet in my back pocket." Cops will catch and hurt people who curse, disobey, ignore them, fight or run away. You want the cop responding to you verbally instead of physically, so just stay still speak up, and don't hesitate to give long explanations. Keep talking slowly until the cop says 'o.k.' After this has happened, things seemed more resolved. The cop might finish up more quickly.

When policemen ask why you're speeding, there is no answer that will make it alright. Mike said "the worst thing people say is that they didn't think they were going that fast, because you knew in the back of your brain you were going faster than you should have." Answer honestly without challenging or asserting anything, "You're right, I should have paid more attention. I suppose I was just nervous because my boss has already had to speak to me about being late this week." Even if cops are wrong, don't contradict them. Mike says, "You can never argue with a cop at the scene, if there's going to be an argument, it should be in the courtroom." If a cop asks you why you're going so fast in a school zone, it would be foolish to say "actually, right now it's 4:07 and the school zone is over at four." Answer "I thought that was only until four-o'clock. My watch is wrong." Allow cops to show clemency without losing face.

Sometimes when cops in small towns give you a ticket and see that you're just passing through town, they decide that they can't guarantee you'll make your court date. They announce that they'll have to take you under arrest to bring you before the judge in the morning. This is your last chance to convince the cop to trust you. "Officer, I travel through this state often, and would not allow myself to have an outstanding warrant. I can guarantee that I will be present for whatever the law requires of me. I have to keep my clear driving record in all fifty states, because I'm often out on the road. I can call my lawyer first thing in the morning, and fly down with her for the hearing, and any further court dates..." If you're lucky, the heavens will smile on you, and the cop will interrupt you to say, "I can accept that." Before leaving town, get the number for some local lawyers. Usually you don't have to return to the town, but perhaps you'll end up having to mail a check for a few hundred dollars.

THE TRUTH CAN SET YOU FREE

You'll do best if you can avoid lying. Once you've started to lie, your facts won't add up. However, you don't want to admit anything that can and will be used against you in a court of law. Mike breaks it down, "You don't want to say you've been smoking some dope, but if I know you've been doing it, you don't want to insult me. Once I smell it, there's probable cause right there. You have to not insult the intelligence of a cop. If you're real honest as far as stuff like that, that does better for me."

It's best to admit it if he already knows you've done something because he saw you speeding or going through a light, or if he smells pot or alcohol on you. Cops have little tricks too. When asking your permission to search your vehicle, a cop may tell you that if you say no, things will be rough for you, or that they'll just search you anyway, or that you'll give you extra tickets. Remember they've given you a choice. You can politely deny your permission.

You've probably seen the divide and conquer method on t.v., they separate the suspects and if the stories don't match up they'll go back and forth until they have everything. They'll try to convince you that your friend has already admitted something, or that this is your last chance. Don't let the cop convince you there's any reason to admit things that he probably wouldn't find out otherwise.

SUPERSTAR COPS AND JEDI MASTER SUSPECTS

Cops may try to provoke you. They've been watching cops on t.v. and are getting into the part. "I see you like reggae music. Does that mean we'll be finding some 'ganja' in your pocket?" Or "So you like rap music, are you a gang banger? A cop killer?" In the deep South, I've even heard "Admit you're a faggot," and "So, you go to the University. Have you been studying communism?" Cops also may directly challenge you. "You're a tough guy. You think you're tough?" Yes, it's ridiculous, but you can't give in to anger or it's all over. Unfortunately, the only thing to do is say something noncommittal but submissive, "Yes sir, o.k. sir, I'm sorry,' or "No, officer, excuse me." They might keep it up, yelling, asserting absurd rules, challenging you to defy red-faced authority. You must continue to show them you're not a criminal. 'Criminal' meaning nothing more than whoever the cops decide is worth busting. Tell the cop "No, officer, I'm just an engineering student," or "I'm just trying to finish paying off these warrants," or "I'm just a father trying to support my wife and son."

You will never have the cop control that Obi-Wan demonstrates in Star Wars when he and Luke are pulled over, cruising into town to hook up with Han Solo at the cantina. At the checkpoint, storm troopers stop them for questioning. Obi-Wan gets the storm trooper to repeat after him "you don't need to see his identification," and "these aren't the droids we're looking for." Obi-Wan had some force working that you, unfortunately, may never master. Even if you do everything right, you still could run into the worst cop scenario, and find yourself being ridiculed, busted and pushed around. Unless you can beat up the entire police force, you have to patiently wait until they get tired of hurting you. Patience goes beyond responding to these cop scenarios. It's a spiritual step. If you can control your backlash under pressure, then you'll be a Jedi Master, using the force on the weak-minded, a seeker of Christ-like sainthood, turning the other cheek to those who strike you down, a passive Gandhi, returning with gladness good for evil done, a traveler on the true path of becoming a Buddha of un-bustability.